Sunday, November 27, 2005
New Leaf
I don’t know if anyone is checking my blog anymore. It’s been an entire week since I did an update and I honestly don’t know if anyone is going to read this entry. Not that it matters. I’m writing this one for myself.
I’ve been in a really bad mood over the second half of today. My Mam has been visiting for the past week and Ronan had a great time with her. It was great to see him interact with his ‘nanny’ for over a week. She left earlier today and I had been thinking that it was the leaving of a loved one that goes back ‘home’ that put me in my ‘mood’. Not so (of course, I’m sad to see my mother go back). If I look down deep inside, I know that I’m angry with myself. Why? Because I gave up on myself. After a quick run on Wednesday morning I was in pain and gave up hope of running the Marathon in a couple of weeks. I used Thanksgiving and my mother’s visit as excuses, but I did not roll, I did none of my prescribed exercises and I did not run. I didn’t have a master plan behind any of this but I know that I gave up. It really is looking like I’ll be LUCKY to finish this race in two weeks time. My leg still hurts. My knee hurts when I run and it even hurts when I walk. It hurts when I just swing my leg back and forth for a while. I can’t find any cause and neither can any of the experts I’ve been seeing over the past few months… other than to tell me that my problems stem from strangely shaped legs and feet. I’ve done butt exercises, taped my leg, gotten custom orthodics, endured deep tissue massages that went to the core of every muscle of my lower body and endured hours of pain… and I’m STILL not likely to be able to run this marathon. That is NOT why I’ve been in a bad mood. That is NOT why I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I’m in a bad mood because I LET all of this things get to me. I finally gave in to the weight of all this crap that seems to have been in vain. I gave up.
The main purpose of this blog entry is to try to turn myself around. Now, I realize that turning my attitude around will not cure my knee issues. Continuing with my training regiment probably won’t help me to run an extra step at this stage. But it can help me finish (walking or crawling) with a smile upon my face. Ever since I was a kid I pretty much gave up doing anything when I started to be at the back of the pack. I was always the kid to be picked last for football teams. I used to ‘play hooky’ at sporting events in school because I was so bad at them I used to get shouted at for letting the ball fall between my legs, or whatever. This marathon would be the first difficult thing I ever did without giving up. When things were going well, I felt like this was going to be the first sporting achievement I would ever do and I wouldn’t give up! I realize that I need to keep trying in order to say that I didn’t give up. So I will.
I will probably finish this marathon in a dismally bad time. I will probably be in a lot of pain and lots of people in Santa suits will sail past me on a continuous basis. But I’ll know that DESPITE all of this, I won’t have given up.
I will vow two things tonight. The first is that, starting tonight; I will do everything I can to be in the best shape possible for the start of the Honolulu marathon. I will continue to do my strengthening exercises. I will continue to run short distances. I will continue to see all of my ‘specialists’, starting with my podiatrist in the morning. If none of this helps me physically at this point, so be it. I will know I tried.
What’s my second vow? I vow that I WILL run (and I mean RUN) a marathon within the next couple of years. Looking back, I see that I WAS crazy to assume that I could run this thing with zero running experience. Hey, I didn’t have any sporting experience at all! Taking care of Ronan was probably the most physical activity I ever did until the one-mile time trial a few months back. I will start training for the NEXT marathon soon after I return. I will rest my knees in an attempt to fix my problem (whatever it is) and I’ll ramp up my training at a much slower rate. But I will do all of it to prove something to myself and to fulfill a promise to the many of people like you who have donated to my cause and placed to much faith in me. This is not bullshit. It’s not an excuse with a feeble ‘I’ll try better next time’. I don’t honestly think I can try better than I did this time around, but I do know that I can try slower and fitter and more informed.
Thanks to all of you still reading my blog. Thanks for staying with me all this time. Thanks for believing in me. I’ll be writing more often as we get closer to the ‘event’.
I’ve been in a really bad mood over the second half of today. My Mam has been visiting for the past week and Ronan had a great time with her. It was great to see him interact with his ‘nanny’ for over a week. She left earlier today and I had been thinking that it was the leaving of a loved one that goes back ‘home’ that put me in my ‘mood’. Not so (of course, I’m sad to see my mother go back). If I look down deep inside, I know that I’m angry with myself. Why? Because I gave up on myself. After a quick run on Wednesday morning I was in pain and gave up hope of running the Marathon in a couple of weeks. I used Thanksgiving and my mother’s visit as excuses, but I did not roll, I did none of my prescribed exercises and I did not run. I didn’t have a master plan behind any of this but I know that I gave up. It really is looking like I’ll be LUCKY to finish this race in two weeks time. My leg still hurts. My knee hurts when I run and it even hurts when I walk. It hurts when I just swing my leg back and forth for a while. I can’t find any cause and neither can any of the experts I’ve been seeing over the past few months… other than to tell me that my problems stem from strangely shaped legs and feet. I’ve done butt exercises, taped my leg, gotten custom orthodics, endured deep tissue massages that went to the core of every muscle of my lower body and endured hours of pain… and I’m STILL not likely to be able to run this marathon. That is NOT why I’ve been in a bad mood. That is NOT why I haven’t been sleeping well lately. I’m in a bad mood because I LET all of this things get to me. I finally gave in to the weight of all this crap that seems to have been in vain. I gave up.
The main purpose of this blog entry is to try to turn myself around. Now, I realize that turning my attitude around will not cure my knee issues. Continuing with my training regiment probably won’t help me to run an extra step at this stage. But it can help me finish (walking or crawling) with a smile upon my face. Ever since I was a kid I pretty much gave up doing anything when I started to be at the back of the pack. I was always the kid to be picked last for football teams. I used to ‘play hooky’ at sporting events in school because I was so bad at them I used to get shouted at for letting the ball fall between my legs, or whatever. This marathon would be the first difficult thing I ever did without giving up. When things were going well, I felt like this was going to be the first sporting achievement I would ever do and I wouldn’t give up! I realize that I need to keep trying in order to say that I didn’t give up. So I will.
I will probably finish this marathon in a dismally bad time. I will probably be in a lot of pain and lots of people in Santa suits will sail past me on a continuous basis. But I’ll know that DESPITE all of this, I won’t have given up.
I will vow two things tonight. The first is that, starting tonight; I will do everything I can to be in the best shape possible for the start of the Honolulu marathon. I will continue to do my strengthening exercises. I will continue to run short distances. I will continue to see all of my ‘specialists’, starting with my podiatrist in the morning. If none of this helps me physically at this point, so be it. I will know I tried.
What’s my second vow? I vow that I WILL run (and I mean RUN) a marathon within the next couple of years. Looking back, I see that I WAS crazy to assume that I could run this thing with zero running experience. Hey, I didn’t have any sporting experience at all! Taking care of Ronan was probably the most physical activity I ever did until the one-mile time trial a few months back. I will start training for the NEXT marathon soon after I return. I will rest my knees in an attempt to fix my problem (whatever it is) and I’ll ramp up my training at a much slower rate. But I will do all of it to prove something to myself and to fulfill a promise to the many of people like you who have donated to my cause and placed to much faith in me. This is not bullshit. It’s not an excuse with a feeble ‘I’ll try better next time’. I don’t honestly think I can try better than I did this time around, but I do know that I can try slower and fitter and more informed.
Thanks to all of you still reading my blog. Thanks for staying with me all this time. Thanks for believing in me. I’ll be writing more often as we get closer to the ‘event’.
# posted by Marto @ 9:41 PM 
Comments:
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MARTIN, Whats with all this negitive thinking. You need to do some POSITIVE THINKING NOW.
The aim of you doing this marathon was to raise money for luekemia. You have raised this amount and more.
You have I think improved your personal health??? and we have been on a medical journey of discovery learing new usless words peronean nerve,tight gluteus miniuus being just two of them.
You have given all your blog readers great laughs and many many smiles along the way.
So now, head up and walk, crawl or run we dont care you have achieved everything you set out to achieve.
Lots of Love,
Trish
The aim of you doing this marathon was to raise money for luekemia. You have raised this amount and more.
You have I think improved your personal health??? and we have been on a medical journey of discovery learing new usless words peronean nerve,tight gluteus miniuus being just two of them.
You have given all your blog readers great laughs and many many smiles along the way.
So now, head up and walk, crawl or run we dont care you have achieved everything you set out to achieve.
Lots of Love,
Trish
# posted by 
: 3:10 AM
: 3:10 AM
OK...I already tried posting a long winded post but it crashed on me soooo...here I go again...(condensed version).
I agree with Trish...the glass is half full Martin and you've spent all this time filling it, not emptying the thing. By thinking like you're thinking you're only going to detract from all the good you've done so far.
As for your blog, I read it every day, as I'm sure many others do. But if you don't post anything new, then there's obviuously not going to be anything new to comment on! So, there's no need to think you're in no mans land. Even if you feel that your not in anybodys thoughts when you're at this running lark, remember you're in Stacy and Ronans thoughts always, and especially through this.
So chin up and onwards as they say. And remember, all those butt exercise can only get you higher on the Buttometer scale in Stacys mind ;-).
Del
I agree with Trish...the glass is half full Martin and you've spent all this time filling it, not emptying the thing. By thinking like you're thinking you're only going to detract from all the good you've done so far.
As for your blog, I read it every day, as I'm sure many others do. But if you don't post anything new, then there's obviuously not going to be anything new to comment on! So, there's no need to think you're in no mans land. Even if you feel that your not in anybodys thoughts when you're at this running lark, remember you're in Stacy and Ronans thoughts always, and especially through this.
So chin up and onwards as they say. And remember, all those butt exercise can only get you higher on the Buttometer scale in Stacys mind ;-).
Del
# posted by : 5:58 AM
: 5:58 AM
Primary Objective 1: Raise Money for Cancer researcher, to allow them to keep on fighting and run their never ending marthon! - ACHIEVED, (well nearly 787 short of 5000 target, so get your credit cards out. Its the push to the finish for us supporters, i will be donating what little i have (student) after post!!!
Objective 2 : Train, give it your best - ACHIEVED ten times over!
Objective 3: Write blog to ammuse those giving money for cancer research - achieved, well being lacking of late, but we are a forgiving audience.
Objective 4: Make my family and Friends proud - Definitly fulfilled this one, you and your blog is the talk of the walshes, and beyond and just look at the support of your friends
Objective 5: Make you (you i mean you martin) proud - ?????
Objective 6: Do marthon - you have completed a marthon of sorts, you are on the final stretch.
Chin up Martin, get over this and cop on stop feeling sorry for yourself. you have achieved so much. You are a lesson to giver uppers all over the place. I too am a giver upper but have gone back to a sport i left years ago cause i no longer want to be a giver upper.
Now focus, and do what it takes, to make you proud cause that is all thats left!
Objective 2 : Train, give it your best - ACHIEVED ten times over!
Objective 3: Write blog to ammuse those giving money for cancer research - achieved, well being lacking of late, but we are a forgiving audience.
Objective 4: Make my family and Friends proud - Definitly fulfilled this one, you and your blog is the talk of the walshes, and beyond and just look at the support of your friends
Objective 5: Make you (you i mean you martin) proud - ?????
Objective 6: Do marthon - you have completed a marthon of sorts, you are on the final stretch.
Chin up Martin, get over this and cop on stop feeling sorry for yourself. you have achieved so much. You are a lesson to giver uppers all over the place. I too am a giver upper but have gone back to a sport i left years ago cause i no longer want to be a giver upper.
Now focus, and do what it takes, to make you proud cause that is all thats left!
Thanks to everyone for their kind and supportive commenets and, frankly, giving me the kick in the arse I badly needed. Everything you said is true and I really appreciate your support. I'm officially back on the horse and I even have a new plan! My glass is getting fuller by the moment. More in an official entry later tonight (or tomorrow for all the Paddy's).
Welcome back!Martin will you stop being so hard on yourself,you didnt start out to become agreat sportsman,you set out to raise money which you have achieved.We the bystanders dont care how long the marathon takes or how far you run.Marathon basically means a supreme effort to my mind you have already done your own privite marathon.In short go out there with your chest puffed outand take a bow.
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